Today is a very quiet and lazy day! I have gotten terrible about blogging. I feel so much better when I do blog. Crazy things been happening...what's new :) Right now we are dealing with lots of family issues. Praying for my dad's health and agonizing over MawMaw. That women has been the most influential person in my life quite possibly...I know she is tired and ready to be with my PawPaw, but I am selfish and am not ready to live my life without her. I'm doing what I can to help her, but she is very tired.
Lots of marriages, babies and such been going on which means lots of showers. I love going to these, but yesterday while I was at Jessi's baby shower, it hit me full force in the face that I may never get to experience this... Over the years I have been to countless wedding and baby showers, and I have loved everyone of thems. I'm not necessarily giving up but I am being realistic. It is time for me to realize that I will likely never be able to experience these things...being with one person you love and celebrating your love...and creating your family. This is not an easy thing to do. I have a box that I have had since I was little. This box has pictures of my perfect wedding from wedding magazines and other magazines. This also has my dream nursery put together from the JcPenney catalog. I know very silly, but I have wanted to be a wife and mom every since I can remember. Somethings are just not meant to be. I know that God has a special plan for me and it's time to just turn everything over to God. Through reading the Purpose Driven Life, I have realized that my life may have a purpose I have never dreamed of...one that I am still learning about.
One thing that I have become more aware of recently...the sting of people'a actions. I do not have the perfect life, I do not have the perfect clothes and by no means have the ideal life. However, I will never look disgustingly at someone who thinks they do. Because those who think they are better than you because they have their ideal family, they have all their material possessions, or the appear to be better than anyone else; have shown me exactly how much hurt this can cause. I am a strong person and I will tell you that I think you are a hypocrytical bitch because you turn your nose up at me because I don't have the perfect hair, skin, figure, clothes, life or possessions...but when I am hidden from others, I cry becasue of the hurt that nasty look on your face has created. This may not make a whole lot of sense by it does to me. It is so true you have NO idea what someone is going through when you choose to treat them like a piece of shit. And really you have no idea what someone is going through when you make those snide, hurtful remarks and give those judgemental stares. These cause me to change the way I treat others. Enough of that!!!
So be thankful for the things that you have and don't take credit for your life, you never know how badly someone may be suffering because they don't have those things.
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